Timidez amorosa: diferenças entre revisões

Gilmartin's love-shy men were poorly-adjusted as they were unhappy with their lives and high in rates of [[anxiety disorders]] and possibly mental illnesses. He found that the love-shy men had considerably more violent fantasies, were very pessimistic and cynical about the world, were much more likely to believe that nobody cared about them, and were much more likely to have difficulties concentrating. He also found a tendency in some of the love-shy men to stare compulsively at women with whom they were infatuated or even [[Stalking|stalk]] them, but without being able to talk to them, which sometimes got them in trouble with school authorities because of the perceived threat. Most of the love-shy men reported experiencing frequent feelings of [[depression (mood)|depression]], [[loneliness]], and [[Social alienation|alienation]]. A small number of the men would often try to disassociate from reality through various means. Gilmartin noted that about 40% of the older love-shy men had seriously considered committing [[suicide]].

 

Gilmartin noted that the 100 older love-shy men studied were experiencing well above-average career instability. Even though almost all of these older love-shys had successfully completed higher education, their salaries were well below the US average. They were typically, if anything, [[underemployment|underemployed]] and were working in [[minimum wage]] jobs such as taxi-driving and door-to-door canvassing. At the time of Gilmartin's research (1979-1982), 3.6% of college graduates in the USA were unemployed. Yet the older love-shy men had a disproportionate [[unemployment]] rate of 16% because of their perceived bad past work experiences. As a result, all of the love-shy men were in the [[lower middle class]] or lower.

 

Being single, the older love-shy men all lived in apartments. As a consequence of their social-sexual inhibitions, and subsequently limited social network, their financial situations were generally less fortunate, often having little discretionary spending for luxuries, and many were forced to live in less attractive neighborhoods. It is notable that none of the older love-shy men Gilmartin studied owned a home, and their places of residence were rental apartments. While many of these men had been excellent students, the effects of their shyness had a negative impact on their social lives and also the impression they made upon employers. This diminished many opportunities in their careers in the same manner that it inhibited their love lives.

 

De acordo com Gilmartin, os tímidos amorosos tendiam a preferir [[balada]]s de amor como as da [[Broadway]], [[jazz]], "easy listening", [[trilha]]s de [[filme]]s e [[música clássica]] leve, não a tradicional. Alguns poucos também demonstraram gosto pela [[música country]]. O [[Rock n roll|Rock]] de quase todos os tipos também não era apreciado pelos tímidos amorosos, mas apenas no nível estético, não nos preceitos morais. Gilmartin notou com surpresa que poucos dos tímidos citaram [[cantora]]s.

 

In contrast, the movies most often seen by non love-shy men were classified as, action-adventure, science fiction or fantasy/superhero, light comedy, and crime drama.

 

Gilmartin estimates that love-shyness afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of American males. According to Gilmartin, love-shyness is, like most human psychological characteristics, the result of some combination of [[biology|biological]] ([[genetics|genetic]]/[[developmental biology|developmental]]) and environmental ([[culture|cultural]], [[family|familial]], [[religion|religious]], etc.) factors (see also: [[nature versus nurture]]). Gilmartin believes that shyness is a condition which needs to be cured. He says in his book "Shyness is NEVER "good". Shyness obviates free choice and self-determination, and it stands squarely in the way of responsible self-control and self-management." Again, he states "Simply put, SHYNESS IS NEVER HEALTHY."

 

With so many negative stimuli from crucial relationships in one's childhood, the love-shy boy becomes a [[social isolation|social isolate]]. He learns to associate these crucial interactions (i.e. with parents, peer group) with hurt feelings and is likely to avoid social interaction. Social isolation becomes a '[[Virtuous circle and vicious circle|vicious circle]]' for the love-shy individual as the years go by, and inhibits his chances in interaction with the opposite sex, as well as in other crucial areas of life such as his career.

 

Gilmartin believes that love-shyness would have the most severe effect on heterosexual males, because of gender roles. He claims that it may be possible for both shy women and homosexual men to become involved in intimate relationships without needing to take any initiative, simply by waiting for a more assertive man to initiate the relationship or in the case of lesbians, a more assertive woman. According to Gilmartin, shy women are as likely or even more likely due to their love-shyness as non-shy women to date, to marry, and to have children, while this is not the case for heterosexual men. Love-shy heterosexual men normally have no informal social contact with women (virtually by definition). They cannot date, [[marriage|marry]], or have children, and many of these men never experience any form of intimate sexual contact. Gilmartin found that third parties such as parents and friends are often inconsiderate of the difficulties of love-shy men, and are reluctant to aid them in finding girlfriends, because many view them as "unworthy" to obtain a girlfriend or because their parents were embarrassed to be seen with their sons. He also noted that none of the love-shy men sought [[sex workers]] for moral reasons and fearing they would fall in love with them. Some of the love-shys were partaking in [[mail-order bride]] agencies but it isn't known if they were successful or not.